Love Is In The Air ♥

Monday, October 25, 2010

Chapter 20: What a Horrific Day

So, here’s the story of what happened Saturday, which actually kind of begins the night before.

Friday night, I asked B if he was climbing on Saturday. (We have this thing where, if I work on Saturday, that’s the day he climbs, so we can actually spend time together on the weekends.) He said, "probably not", and I asked why. He told me that he just wasn’t feeling it this weekend. He was tired on Thursday when he climbed, and tired today (which was Friday), so he was most likely going to take the weekend off.

So, Saturday rolls around, and I got out of work at 1:00. When I got into my car, I took my phone out and checked for any missed texts or calls. I did have a missed call, but they didn’t leave a message, and it was a number I didn’t recognize, so I figured they had just gotten the wrong number.

I got home around 2:00, and B's car wasn’t in the driveway. As I pulled up closer to our section of the house, I saw that his climbing pads were sat outside, next to our door. (When you go rock climbing, the safe/responsible thing to do is to bring a climbing pad with you, so if you fall, you have something to land on.) When I got inside, I noticed that there was a bag of bread just left open on the counter, and that all of our garbage and recycling bins were gone. So, okay, he had gone to the dump. He had to take his climbing pads out of the car so he could fit the bins in the back. Gotcha.

The dump is only a 15-minute drive from the house. Once you’re there, it only takes maybe 10 minutes to empty the bins and throw the garbage away, and then, obviously, a 15-minute drive back.

3:30 came around, and I hadn’t heard anything from him. I was getting nervous, so I went around the house trying to find a note that said where he had gone. I couldn’t find one. I was getting increasingly nervous, because he knows to leave me a note letting me know where he’s going, and what time I could expect him to be home. (I’m a worry-wart. It was bred into me. My mother did the whole note thing, and when I was younger, I never understood it, but now I can fully comprehend why she asked me for these details.) I called his cell phone in hopes that he would pick up. Nothing. I got his voicemail. Of course, my mind started jumping to conclusions. What if he was on his way to the dump, and got into an accident? Yes, my mind automatically jumps to these horrible thoughts. It’s actually a part of my OCD and personality disorder. I know, it’s very irrational, but I can’t help it.

I decided to drive to the dump to see if, by some chance, he had gotten held up there for some reason, or worse, his car was in a ditch and he was hurt.

I checked every car driving by me to see if it was his, and none of them were. I pulled into the dump, and saw that none of the cars there were his, either. I thought, "I know he couldn’t have gone out climbing, because he would have brought his pads. He’s seen too many people get hurt because of some idiotic decision; he knows to be safe. He also has the recycling bins in his car, so it doesn’t make sense that he would bring them out there with him". On my way back home, I took a different route, just in case he had done the same thing and happened to be on that road. Nothing. I got home, and he still wasn’t here.

By this time, I had started getting chest paint and heart palpitations. Stress is really not good for a not-so-healthy heart.

I pulled out my cell phone, and was going to call him again, when I remembered the unknown caller from earlier in the afternoon. I had this brief moment of relief when I thought, "Oh, maybe he went somewhere, and his cell phone doesn’t have service, so he called my phone to let me know…"

(By the way… he’s incredibly bad at leaving me a message if he calls me and I can’t pick up. So, I figured that was what had happened.)

I didn’t just want to call the number in this babbling state I was in. (Did I mention that I had started to cry, and was shaking really badly? Yeah…) I decided to do the "Reverse Number" lookup on and see who it was that called me. And that’s when I really broke down…

It was the hospital.

I started crying hysterically thinking that something had happened to him. Why wouldn’t they leave a message?! What if it was the doctor who was taking care of him in the emergency room, and he had to hang up suddenly because B had started to crash?! I couldn’t control the horrible thoughts. The only solution I could think of was to call that emergency room and ask if B had been taken there. (This actually happens to be the same hospital that my cardiologist is in, but I knew they weren’t open on the weekend, and figured they would have left a message…)

In some moment of clarity, I decided to try his cell phone again, just in case.

And he answered.

"Where are you?!" I half asked, half cried.

"What? What’s wrong?!" he asked.

"Where have you been?!"

"What’s wrong, honey? What’s going on?" he asked again.

By this time, I was getting angry because he wasn’t answering me. (I know, he was concerned because I was crying, which upset him and he wanted to make sure I was okay. I can see this now. But at the time, I wanted to know where he was, and that he was okay, and he was dodging my questions with more questions.)

"Where the fuck have you been?!" I snapped.

"I went out to the park. Are you okay? What’s wrong?" he asked. ("The Park" being the state park in town where he goes climbing.)

I was crying so hard, and was so angry, that I couldn’t talk, and just hung up.

When he got home, I think he thought that I was super pissed at him and wouldn’t talk to him, so he just went upstairs and didn’t say anything to me for almost 2 hours. (Yes, I was angry, partially because I had no note letting me know he was okay, but also partially because I get so worked up over the smallest things, and I hate when I do that.)

He came downstairs when I was in the bathroom washing my hands, and just hugged me. I started crying again, and he asked what was wrong. I told him the whole story of what had happened. All he could do was hug me and say, "Oh honey…"


I still don’t know why he was out there. I don’t think he was climbing, so the only logical thing I can think of was that he wanted to go take pictures.

And I know, I majorly overreacted, but like I said, I can't help it. Things like that happen to me naturally.

But, I can definitely say that he knows now to leave me a note.

-Grizzly Girl


CT said...

I have really bad anxiety and related to this so much. I have actually gone driving looking for cars in ditches myself. I'm so glad everything is OK. What a bad day for the hospital to call and hang up!

Grizzly Girl said...

Thanks for your comment! I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who does these things.

And yes, the hospital thing was very irritating. I hate it when anyone calls and just hangs up. Even if I call someone and get the wrong number, I let them know that.

But that's just me...